Why hello there. I’m Kelly. I will be 43 until May. I live in a state where the wind comes sweeping down the plain, usually in the form of a tornado, and/or makes every day a bad day to wear a wrap dress. I am a lawyer groupie by profession. This means I babysit a grownup and talk to people more than I want to. Fortunately, my boss feels that shorts, flip-flops, and a baseball cap are appropriate office attire. I remember that I used to have to wear dresses and PANTYHOSE to work. That sucked. I’m glad we don’t do that anymore. I’m glad my boss really doesn’t mind if I wear jeans and a T-shirt that says “DUH” on it.
I live with my significant other of 12 (!) years and our three rotten cats. No, we’re not married. Pick your favorite reason why:
- If it ain’t broke…
- We don’t want to rush into anything.
- Why ARE you married?
- We’re fighting societal norms.
- Go fuck yourself, nosy ass.
I had a 3-level spinal fusion (L3-S1) two years ago, so I don’t wear a lot of tall shoes anymore, or uncomfortable shoes. I am trying to convince myself that my doctor clogs and Birkenstocks are legit fashion CHOICES instead of pretty much mandatory if I want to function. I’m also a certified klutz who has managed to chip a bone in her foot by walking out of her own bathroom, so that’s another reason not to get all TALL with the shoes.
I don’t like to snark on people. MOSTLY. I am much nicer and more accepting of fashion choices than I used to be, but I have my fashion pet peeves. I’m sure you’ll hear a lot more about terrible fashion if you stick around. You’ll also hopefully hear about good fashion, and how it’s okay to cheap out on buying blush but expensive eyeliner is totally worth it. I might also occasionally talk about shoes, underwear, socks, and how you really, really can never get cat hair off any black cotton-based clothing item.
I also don’t like blogs that are basically advertising for various retailers. Look. I have nothing against free stuff. But I also value honesty, and when I see “this will be a closet staple” and then see that shit on Poshmark 2 days later, it makes me not trust your reviews. I also do not like this … trend … that all the pictures have to be all perfect. I read fashion blogs to (a) get ideas (b) hear about how things that you can mostly only get online fit real humans (c) quality of said items. I don’t care about the background. I care about how the stuff looks and how people think it feels. Note: there is a link to my Poshmark page in the sidebar. My closet is perpetually full — because I stress-shop, figure out things aren’t really my jam, and then shove them in my closet instead of returning them — and I’m trying to un-fill it. I am hoping this project will have an end, but I’m pretty sure that knowing me….it won’t.
So. I’m usually a 26/28/4x. Height 5’9″. Measurements 57″ 54″ 59″. Regular inseam (long torso, short legs). Shoes 10.5 wide/Euro 41. If this changes, I’ll keep this up to date.
Further, I believe in transparency in sizing. Does it do anyone any good to see the cutest outfit ever and then realize that the smaller-sized human modeling it is wearing the largest size available? I will do my best to post sizes and fit notes. I’m not an hourglass. Or a pear. I’m more like a linebacker. So if you too fit this category, hopefully I may be of some assistance.
Finally, let’s discuss why the blog is called what it is:
I saw this somewhere…Facebook? Another blog? and decided it pretty accurately conveys my fashion sense. I like to LOOK fancy (sometimes), but I don’t like to FEEL like I look fancy. Fancy clothes need ironing and dry cleaning. They also tend to pinch, ride up, fall down, snag on everything, and generally make me fuck with them all day. I am not a fan of this. I want to get dressed and then stop thinking about my clothes until I get home and change into my ACTUAL yoga pants.
I am over suffering for fashion.
Especially when it’s wearing high heels.