It apparently is already Wednesday, which sort of feels like it should be Friday and sort of feels like WTF happened to Monday and Tuesday?  Nonetheless, I have decided that this week’s fashion WTF is “statement sleeves.”  First of all, it’s fucking summer and I want LESS sleeve, not MORE sleeve.  Second of all, I deeply enjoy dunking things in Ranch, but that does not include clothing items.  Third of all, all I can think about with big sleeves is this episode of Seinfeld. You don’t even have to click the link, you know which one it is. (But I will say, that shirt is worse than I remembered.)

On to the fuckery!

I hate the sleeves AND it’s yellow.

It’s also yucky fabric, and ASOS has once again demonstrated that they care more about being all artsy in photos than actually showing what they want you to buy.

I like the color at least…

I do love this color combo, but this looks like a winter shirt and it’s not in the clearance section.  I’m all for winter colors in summer, but skip the long sleeves.  I thought I was going to faint from heatstroke after I walked two blocks this morning at 9:45, and I was wearing a short dress with short sleeves in a much more natural-fiber type fabric.  This will be hot and itchy if the temperature is above 85.

Now we enter PUFFY waters.

These sleeves aren’t as likely to get dunked in anything, and at least this is cotton, but it’s still too much sleeve for hot weather.  Also, they have dubbed the color “Santorini.”  I sincerely doubt anyone in Santorini would be caught dead in this top.

Your festie bestie would stop you.

It has a zipper, a polyester lining, it doesn’t stretch, and those sleeves would either be (a) lit on fire when you tried to puff puff give, or (b) mistaken for asswipe in a dark portapotty.

It has a statement sleeve, but it’s still kind of…snore.

It’s navy.  Also, it looks like it would move around a lot – like it would fall backward until the neckline was choking you and the front looked like a crop top.  Also, a “new arrival,” from a US brand, that is 100% polyester with long sleeves.  Do they not have summer in all parts of the country?  DOOOD.

Is “cold forearm” the next trend?

 

I just….lack words for this level of stupid.  First of all, this looks like a more “office” type shirt than a casual or date night one.  So let’s pretend we’re getting ready for work and still haven’t had enough coffee and we end up spending 10 minutes trying to find the right hole for our hand.  Also, yellow.  So completely over yellow.

I don’t object to the occasional bell sleeve on a top that looks like it should have them.  Or even a more dramatic sleeve…IN THE WINTER.

But not when it’s hotter than a snake’s ass in a wagon rut.