Today, at least for the last few hours, they’ve been the bombs that start with “F.” I’m supposed to have the right side nerves burned tomorrow, but the facility hadn’t called with a time by like, 2:30. I call them, and find out I’m not on the schedule.

Excuse me what?

So then, I try to get in touch with the scheduler at my doctor’s office, and of course she’s not answering. They close at 4. Fortunately, I have my doctor’s assistant’s email address (and not the stupid patient portal shit, either, the real one). She’s going to get me on the schedule, because she’s awesome, but I still don’t know when I’m supposed to show up.

I love my doctor, but his staff needs fixing. Namely, they need to get their shit together. None of them seem to be able to schedule anything to run on time. I sort of get it, my doctor is pretty thorough, especially with new patients, but when you are in charge of scheduling for someone, you have to grow a set and keep them on task. I don’t care if your title is “assistant,” you have to be in charge of shit. One of the judge’s clerks at the courthouse has a sign that perfectly sums it up: “I’m not bossy, I just know what you should be doing.”

EXACTLY.

So anyway. The pain has been awful this weekend, which is part of the reason for my “you best FIND a place on that schedule” attitude today. That is also the reason why today’s ensemble features jeans and a black t-shirt. I didn’t wear Crocs today. I considered that a win.

Graphic tee featuring Sophia from the Golden Girls:  Torrid.  (They don’t have this one anymore, but they do have some other options: I have this one but it’s a V-neck IRL, a long-sleeve style, and a cartoon v-neck.  They periodically introduce new options.)  People ALWAYS comment on the Golden Girls.

The underneath tee is Universal Standard, because I needed something soft and snuggly this morning.

The jeans are also Universal Standard, and are kinda too big and too long.  These are a 26, and I need to send them back for a 24.  Their UFL program makes this possible.  Basically, if you go up or down in size within a year of buying anything in the UFL (Universal Fit Liberty) collection, you send it back and they send you another size.  The downside is that it’s mostly the black, gray, and/or white versions of items (plus all the jeans). I keep forgetting to just print the stupid label to send them back.  The other good thing is that they donate returned garments to charities that focus on helping women.

And once again, my hair looks all fucking shiny because I used the expensive hair stuff on it.  Dear Ulta, please have another half price sale before this bottle runs out kthxbai.

The shoes are Aerosoles Mr. Softee, and I think they’re an 11W.  They’re a little loose, which is why I think so.  I always have the urge to wear these flats with this shirt…I don’t know why, exactly, but in my head they’re an outfit.

They don’t have this color at present, but they have a lot of other ones.  The black leather are a good choice to keep as “desk flats” for days when you’ve made a bad shoe choice at work and you don’t even think you can limp back to your car to change shoes at lunch (or you live too far away) (or hahaha lunch break wtf is that).  They’re comfortable, don’t require breaking in, and in a plain neutral, pretty much go with everything.  They may not LOOK that cute, but no one’s going to really notice them, either.  I also recommend “desk flops” for summer, so you don’t have to get your flats all sweaty.  I highly recommend these.  If you work somewhere that some asshole is going to get pissy about flip flops when you have blisters, maybe look for a new job because they’re probably reading your email, scrutinizing your bathroom breaks, and generally micromanaging.

Or you can just say fuck it and have desk Crocs.  If your job prohibits “between the toe” sandals, follow the dress code until they’re sorry they made one.  This is among the things I have learned in 21 years as a paralegal:  rules are made to be followed to the exact letter of the law, not the spirit (I have personally been responsible for employee handbook changes).  The other things are (1) always have replacement cost value insurance for homeowners or renters; (2) always have uninsured motorist; (3) never trust a lawyer.  Shut up about the insurance being more expensive.  Do you know how much your shit is worth, actual cash value, if it gets ruined in a tornado or stolen?  Also, do you know how much a helicopter ambulance ride costs?  (Hint: it’s more than the minimum liability limits.  Like double, in Oklahoma.)  You will not save enough money on the premiums to pay for what could go wrong, even if you have insurance for a hundred years.

/steps off soapbox

Sorry, when I’m frustrated I get ranty about things that are probably unrelated to my frustration.  My cat thinks I should stop, mostly because she is laying between me and the keyboard and the typing is disrupting her nap.

For Easter, I did not wear black. I was proud of myself.  (Pics on Instagram, link over there ===>)  The niece and nephew had fun playing with their Easter stuff.  My nephew was having me help open his plastic eggs – they were vertical-open, rather than horizontal, and his hands weren’t quite big enough.  We found one with Reese’s cups, which he promptly snarfed.  He wanted the Kit Kat, too.  Mama said no more candy till after dinner….so he snuck under his bed and was eating it.  Oops, busted.  (He did eat dinner.  And cake.  And some more candy.  Then he wasn’t supposed to have more till after his nap….which it was getting ready to be naptime when we went home.  Wonder if he accidentally took his basket to bed with him, or at least a couple of eggs.)

I would have.

Just in case.

Oh, who am I kidding, I would have sat there and stared at my mom while I ate my candy anyway.  Then she would have sent me to my room, AND NO READING.  (I think she figured out pretty early on that sending me to my room wasn’t really much of a punishment, because I would just read a book and forget I was being punished.  That’s when the “AND NO READING!” started.)

Word to your mother.