We’ve Got Fun and Games

Greetings.  For actual information about me (including measurements) and why I’m starting a fashion blog, hit up the “ABOUT” page…but I will preface my first post with this:

  • There are no affiliate links.
  • I paid for all this shit.
  • If someone actually reads this and wants to send me some free shit, cool.  But I’m not going to be nice if it sucks.
  • My opinions tend to be rather strong.
  • I use a lot of naughty language.

So.  Let’s get on with the program.

Back in the 90’s and early 2000’s, my ass lived at Lane Bryant.  I bought everything there, with the occasional trip to Avenue or Dillard’s.  But in the mid-2000’s, like around 2006-2007, something happened.  There started being some more visible plus-size options.  Suddenly, Lane Bryant didn’t know what to do.  They changed their jeans (and they haven’t fit me correctly since).  They changed their aesthetic:  first it was trendy, then it was more basic, then it was even more trendy.  They started with the shoes.  The tights started to suck.  The quality went downhill.  Slowly but surely, it went from being my go-to to being my go-away.

That was also about the same time that I started really gaining an awareness of plus-size FASHION.  Not just “be unobtrusive.”  Not just “these pants will cover all the jiggly bits.”  People making choices to be visible, to dress quirky, to define their own style.  I stopped being such a judgy bitch about other people’s clothes.  I had spent so long trying to be put-together and professional and not expose anyone to any unnecessary skin that seeing people who didn’t give a fuck…and who were, in fact, doing it on purpose…started to change my outlook.

Don’t get me wrong.  There are still things I think look like butt on everyone.  These include gaucho pants, open-toed boots, and skirts that hit between the shin and the ankle.  But if those things are your personal faves, you do you.

My real issue with fashion is FIT.  I’ve always been on the larger end of the size spectrum.  My adult life has ranged between a 22 at the small end and a 28 at the top end.  But it seems like a lot of plus-size designers don’t have a clue how to size patterns.  I’ve seen so many giant gaping armholes, badly-placed pockets, and awkward lengths.  I’ve seen accent panels/decorations that are the same size on a 14 and a 32.  I’ve seen bras that don’t seem to acknowledge that some of us have back fat that needs to be supported, not tightly bisected.

So recently, I’ve been branching out a little into some more independent retailers.  And for my first outfit, I’m wearing two of them:  Universal Standard and TomboyX.

IMG_1171

Tee: TomboyX. Currently only available in XS & 4X.

Jeans: Universal Standard. Sizes 10-28.

Shoes: Aerosoles, but they’re old.

This isn’t the outfit I thought I would pick to start a fashion blog, because it features a look that isn’t “flattering.”  My t-shirt (4x) is tucked into my jeans (24 – these run big, so believe the notes that say to size down.  I originally ordered a 26 and sent them back for a 24, and I should have barely fit a 28 according to their chart).  I thought I’d go for a cute dress, or a different shirt, or something.  But I feel like this is a starting point.  This is me, not pretending to be anything other than what I am.  A double-chin-having, roots-showing, minimal-makeup person.

Notes on the outfit:  The t-shirt is comfortable, but it’s unisex sizing, and I kind of wish I had ignored my impulse to order the biggest option and gotten a 3x.  However, I’m sure the graphic will piss off a lot of people in this super-red state, so bonus.  I bought this because I liked the design.  I’m not really sure the price tag is terribly reasonable.  The jeans, while also kind of spendy (although not that spendy – for example, Torrid’s premium denim starts at $75, and their return policy is way less forgiving and involves me actually going to a store), and all of the stores in this city are in the middle of forests of orange cones and detours.   The shoes I like, but for some reason, the heels are kind of stiff, and they give me blisters if I wear them too long.  They’re slowly breaking in, but generally Aerosoles don’t need that.  They get bonus points for actually being a 10.5 C/D, which mostly doesn’t exist.

Fucking perimenopause.  It said that your feet would probably grow — which is true. It also said there was the possibility for boob growth….which I have not seen.  (I have, however, seen gravity.  Look.  I’ve never been Ms. Perkytits, so I didn’t think gravity would take much of a toll.  I was wrong.  Gravity hates everyone.  So 25-year-olds, take a long look at your body, because your boobs will never look that good again unless you pay for it.)

As you might have noticed, I’m not all about photos.  I like photos, but I also like to write things.  They may or may not stay on topic.  I hope someone actually reads this.  Leave me comments!

2 thoughts on “We’ve Got Fun and Games

  1. Oh, I like seeing the jeans! I just packaged up mine to exchange. So excited!

    You are off to a great start! When you start prancing around in impractical things that aren’t you, I’ll know you’ve gotten too Strawberry for your Bitchcakes. 😉

    Like

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